I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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