Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
