I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
