And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
