Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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