I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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