I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
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That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
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Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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