Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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