Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
