please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
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Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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