I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Fuck appropriateness.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
