I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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