Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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