he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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