fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Don't tell me you're on acid again
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
