I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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