im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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