And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
