Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
