The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
