Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
