Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
