he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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