He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
