If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
