I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize