Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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