my phone needs a breathalizer
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i came on her dog
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The uberlube is also flammable
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
