Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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