i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
