Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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