Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
