dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
