Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
