wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
