Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
