hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
