I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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