Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
