doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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