Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
