it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
