so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
