sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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