It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He kissed a someone with a penis
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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