I swear god or herbie drove my car home
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
