just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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