Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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