The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
high people should be assigned attendants
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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