I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
