Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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