My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
