I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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