Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
