don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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