I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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