I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
