thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
