mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The best revenge is premature balding
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
