he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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